Gritty Reboot Theater

2 and a Half Men (2020): Angus T Jones plays his own aged older selves in this revisit to the classic material. Using the newest 'technology,' A-JO will be superimposed on the old models of adult actor to deliver their lines to his/their own young clone as he learns a little bit about growing up and watches one older self carry on questionable relations with a series of young women and develop a gambling addiction.
Runtime: 18 min. x 5 seasons.

Wizards of Waverly Place: A car crash at sea separates the three Russo siblings, forcing them to bond with new wizards at each of the various coasts they land on. In a struggle to survive, they each ally themselves for life to their own tribes. What will happen when the three groups meet with intent to destroy one another...with magic?
Runtime: 45 min. x 3 seasons

Bones: An actual skeleton detective takes over for Boreanas's Booth as 'Bones''s partner and love interest -- i'm talking about a real walking decaying skeleton here -- leaving 'Bones' with a quest for a less confusing nickname, and a quest to be a better detective than the new 'Bones'
Runtime: 50 min. x 2 seasons

Smallville: A giant Clark Kent while searching for substance with his magnification vision comes upon a tiny town not unlike his own Kansas hometown. Still refusing in actual Smallville, Kansas to use his powers freely, he flexes his giant sized muscles to become the god of these microscopic race of people. His own super-laugh becoming the force that eventually destroys the only people who worship him.
Runtime: 15 min. x .5 seasons

Cupid (2012): Jeremy Piven plays Jeremy Piven in a Piven heroine Piven Piven
Runtime: 6 min. + commercials = 42 min. x 3 seasons

Glee: After winning State, Nationals and World championships for Glee-ing, as they do. There is one place left to conquer. Partnering with Stargate SG-1 creator Brad Wright, the show runners look to have the 'team' take on another dimension with their song stylings. Opening up a portal to Hell, literally, Hell, the 'song and dance'(?) men and women battle for the earth's survival and the souls of eternity. Finale: A medley of Songs from Christian Metal Band Stryper's 'To Hell with the Devil' album.
Runtime: 52 min x a single 75 episode season

Biggest Loser: Taken in by the 'real drama' created within the early episodes of any season from the show, the network executives recast the roles of the contestants, who then act out the transcripts of the words from the show. Roles will be played by: Hugh Laurie, Mariska Hargitay, Felicity Huffman, James Spader, Tyson Beckford, Terri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Taye Diggs, and Victoria Beckham.
Runtime: 48 min x 1 episode

the best films of the past 10 years, an objective list that can not be argued

I'll be limiting myself to 2 sentences about each. And mentioning a favorite scene.

10. Spider-man 2 (Sam Raimi - 2004) The movie mixed brilliant elements of elaborate stunts and well defined character, giving us conflict not just in explosions but in emotions. It paid perfect homage to its source material while still finding a necessary heaviness and an original voice in its new media. Scene: Doctor Octopus wakes up in the operating room and wreaks Raimi-style havoc on the staff.

9. Cache (Michael Haneke - 2005) An ambiguous and quietly horrifying, unsettling film about memory and grudges, personal privacy and the French occupation of Algiers. Haneke revisits the grotesque, from his over indulgence in Funny Games, but to more startling minimalism and more frightening effect. Scene: Georges' nightmares and flashbacks.

8. About Schmidt/ Final chapter of Paris Je t'aime (Alexander Payne - 2002/2006) (cheater) The sadness and desolation of old age shown through the long stretches of Nebraska highway. All this flat sadness, these poor interactions with one-off characters add up to a crescendo ending that turns the film on its own ear. Payne was the only one who seemed to understand what the compendium film Paris Je t'aime was really supposed to be about, there were enjoyable moments in the other chapters but nothing like this. Scene: Schimdt putting on his wifes facial cream in the mirror

7. Adaptation (Jonze/Kaufmann - 2002) They took the meta-film Being John Malkovich and made it a meta-element in this meta meta meta... Nicolas Cage shows that he has just been cashing paychecks since this because he was beyond belief good here in a double role as Charlie Kaufmann and his twin Donald. Scene: Any scene where Meryl Streep is interacting with Chris Cooper, particularly the phone call when she is 'interested' in things.

6. Royal Tennenbaums (Wes Anderson - 2001) Anderson gets his schtick on here before it was the thing people expected from him; he takes the mundane and drives it to the point of being a starring character. Spectacular performances by a wide range of actors, Hackman should have won so many things for this. Scene: Royal telling Etheline he has cancer, then briefly doubting his plan, then sticking to his story.


5. No Country for Old Men (Cohen Brothers - 2007) I didn't think I loved it, I wasn't even sure I liked it, but I know that one thing is true: I cannot forget it; particularly the music choice or the lack of any, taken in a wrong direction this bleak period film could have devolved into a suspenseful serial killer romp, but its silence and eeriness speaks volumes. Scene: Chigurh in the bedroom waiting for Llewellyn's wife.


4. Punch-Drunk Love (Paul Thomas Anderson - 2002) The absolute best abuse of typecasting was putting the Adam Sandler character in a world out of his own creation and making us actually feel for him the madness of emotions he claims to convey in his other roles. Scene: Barry in the grocery store, plotting and dancing.


3. Dark Knight (Chris Nolan - 2008) Not so much a superhero film as a crime movie with a hero in a costume; Borrowing from several sources and building upon a mythology long established on screen, Nolan finds an acceptable reality for a costumed hero to be palpable. This is what any block buster should hope to be: awesome effects and surprises, excellent characters and performance, never over shadowing a story with heft to it. Scene: Interrogation scene.


2. Waltz with Bashir (Ari Folman - 2008) A war movie without a hero was the aim in this animated documentary; like Cache, it served to highlight a near forgotten tragedy, though more in your face about it. Folman had been involved in the Sabra and Shatila Massacre, and had virtually no memory of it, this, with a remarkable conclusion, is his quest to sort out details through interviews with his fellow soldiers. Scene: Good Morning, Lebanon.

1. Ratatouille (Brad Bird - 2007) High aims for children's entertainment, this movie seemed to say just what I needed to hear, and animate just what I needed to see, with so little of its material having been said or done in mature films to such great effect. Amid directorial troubles and a cliched character situation, (an animal who wants to be like people? crazy!) this movie rises above expectation and beyond what it should have or could have been to become a criticism of criticism, a treatise on art, and an admonition against mindless consumption that so many feel the need to educate against. Scene: Remy speaking to his father outside the butcher shop.

Honorable Mentions:
Unbreakable (M Night Shyamalan - 2000)
Michael Clayton (Tony Gilroy - 2007)
Humpday (Lynn Shelton - 2009)

Sean's List

Good Morning...

On finding that a.) I had accidentally bought frozen pancakes instead of frozen waffles, and b.) they seal frozen pancakes in packages of 3 instead of any sensible number for something that is so obviously toaster bound, I looked to take it a step further.
Microwaving the three on a plate to rid them of their initial chill, I then removed them and placed them on an already hot frying pan to crisp them in to wondefullity. Noting that there was still room on my frying pan, and having once upon a time tried the exception that is the McDonald's McGriddle breakfast sandwich, I threw some deli sliced ham on the there as well for a little protein. Still didn't seem like enough. I continued and have thus far ended here:

That's a bottom pancake with cream cheese spread on it (actually neufchatel, but it's basically the same), another pancake with butter heaped upon it, two slices of deli sliced, frying pan warmed ham, the third and final pancake layered with now-melted butter and all topped with too much syrup.
Good morning, indeed.

Update: 5 hours after eating this, I feel sluggish, hungry, light headed, my fingers are shaky and I hope I can make it up stairs to eat my lunch.

Movie Tuesday: My Big Fat Jewish Weekend

I was keeping it kosher to the extreme, and mostly by accident:

Rape of Europa (October 2009) - This is another documentary about stolen art. This art was systematically taken by a political power taking over europe in the 1930s and 1940s. The Nazis were really terrible. Surprise! This documentary shows the history of the Hitler led infatuation with fine art, to acquire what pleased him and destroy what was inferior. Starting in Vienna and moving then to Germany, Italy, France, Poland, Russia and all over, this movie shows us the path of theft and destruction that the Nazis took until the downfall. Of note were the sections on the Louvre and the Hermitage, where people from all over the areas came to each museum to help empty it out before the Nazis arrived and to stand guard when they attacked. Such sacrificial dedication shown and not just for the sake of pretty pictures. The Nazis weren't only seeking to end the cultures of those they deemed inferior, they wanted to undo their existence and rewrite history so those people never had existed and this documentary, through interviews and narration and vintage footage, shows this extra step in a harsh and real light. One of the most indiscriminate offenders shown in this was Hermann Goering, he was just a funny looking guy, hard to put it any other way, but how they painted his personality, as this uneducated dandy who sought only the appearance of sophistication without the other trappings, really fit with how he looked. He was like a clown in every picture shown. Also shown was some rarely seen video of groups of Nazis following Hitler around art museums which is a weird thought, but it happened, and was a signifier of the longer-lasting damage done to a people and culture. The happiest part is when the German collector, who spends his time tracking down the bells that adorn the torahs at synagogues, travels to America to reunite the disparate scroll with its intended decor.

A Serious Man (October 2009) - The Coens know how to get it done. They really do. In the Jewish suburbs of Minnesota, Larry Gopnick's world is crashing down around him. His wife is leaving him, he's up for tenure and someone is sending letters to his superiors about him, he is under threat of lawsuit from a student for an unjust grade, his brother is living in with him, his neighbor is encroaching on his property, it's just about the bleakest movie one can imagine, bleak enough that it took two to imagine it. All these terrible things are happening, and no one can account for their meaning or what they may all add up to, the beginning is an all-yiddish tragedy of farm life, then after three rabbis who prefer non-sequitor to actual help, Larry is perhaps best served by smoking pot with the sexy neighboress. All one can do is react to the world given here, and it's a wonder to think about, and though bleak and dark and sad, still holds on to being funny in the face of that, though most of the humor arises from the absurdity of the situation becoming worse and then even worse. It ends in an unbelievably paced crescendo of tragedy stepped up from everything else presented.

On the way home, I picked up Max Richter's album The Blue Notebooks, which is a collection that borrows from Kafka's Blue Octavo Notebooks. Then, on Sunday we studied the book of Nehemiah in class.

Movie Tuesday: The Big 80s

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (August 2009) - The cultiest of cult classics. Peter Weller plays the title man about town who succeeds effortlessly in any of his endeavors. He is a neurosurgeon, test pilot, musician, bujitsu master, marksman, smooth talker who is constantly surrounded by the (male) leads in their own techincal fields. On a routine test of some inter-dimensional jet car, the same technology that did his parents in, Buckaroo is transported into a mountain, throught the 8th dimension and back out. What he's seen, no man can forget. His eyes are opened to the dangers of aliens among us, best played by Christopher Lloyd, with the help of an electrically charged phone call from a rebel sect of the aliens. There is such a mythos built around the character in this world, that when a boy overhears a call for help on the radio, he runs to tell his dad that, "Buckaroo Bazai is in trouble," His father's reply is to gas up the helicopter, no explanation for why he should care, the world just loves Buckaroo Bonzai. One element I liked was the disavowal that this is the first or last adventure to happen to Buckaroo and the Hong Kong Cavaliers, other characters and stories are alluded to throughout. Also, Orson Welles is blamed for the aliens infiltrating our society, maybe more in this world or science fiction should be blamed on Orson Welles ("The guy from those wine commercials?"). I didn't expect Goldblum, especially in big furry chaps, and Lithgow was a pleasant surprise, even if his alien/russian self couldn't decide on an accent.

Repo Man (July 2009) - "Repo Man's always intense!" The Aquabats sample this line for their song CD Repo Man, and that is where my inquiry started. Repo Man is the story of Otto, a punk New-waver who won't take it from anybody, and gives it out plenty. Young Emilio Esteves plays the punk, that you wouldn't want to be around for too long, especially if you're his boss. He meets Harry Dean Stanton when he is recruited into the Repo gang after losing another job. Stanton brings on a faux sincerity and shares his wisdom about the game in his inpenetrable quotes like the one above. What starts as a good set-up for a crime movie told from the legal vigilante side turns into a science fiction punk rock story. The supernatural element is centered on the Neutron Bomb, a suitecase sized bomb that destroys all living matter in its blast radius but will leave buildings standing. Each of the Repo-men have interesting characteristics to enact, and throughout the story we follow the driver of the high-price-on-its-hood Chevy Malibu, whose every line delivery is ripe for the picking. The other source I've heard Repo Man sampled is from hip hop artist Busdriver, he took a line from the conspiracy theorist who rides the bus, 'because the more you drive the stupider you get.' Stanton is good, and I'd like to see more of him. The extra features on the DVD are led by the director, recently, as he talks to the cast of the film today, he also speaks with Samuel Cohen the inventor of the actual Neutron Bomb and watches deleted scenes with him. The 'creepy Malibu driver' Fox Harris appears in character as J Frank Parnell to rehash some lines of his long dead self. This movie came out the same year I was born and has an edge to it that I wouldn't expect in a punk rock scifi adventure made today, it would probably try to skew more of a PG-13 demographic for the $$.
Well, well, I just heard that Alex Cox is premiering a sequel called Repo Chick at the Venice Film Festival.

The Monster Squad (October 2009) - Back when kids got to swear and get into real trouble. Sean and Patrick are two troublemaking kids whose extracirricular 'monster club' is getting in the way of their school time. But when Dracula makes an appearance in their hometown, calling all his monster friends, they get called to take action with their intimate expertise on the chilling subject of the disposal of monsters. Starring all of the classic Universal monsters, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Wolfman and Frankenstein, this is an 80s adventure where cool kids really do smoke cigarettes and the 'fat kid' (not a minor character) is named Fat Kid. Of course, there is a rap over the credits, called 'Monster Squad', performed by 'Monster Squad'. It's one part Goonies, another part Ghostbusters but mostly just senseless fun.